In episode 36 of Or, Learn Parkour, join us and special guest Ang, a long time friend of the podcast! Tune in for their journey of ADHD self-diagnosis, treatment plan trial and error, and most importantly, a big honkin chonk of a crystal. Join the hivemind with usss.
Thanks for listening!
CW/TW: Mental health, ADHD, loud noises, yelling, discussion of prescription drugs, discussion of anxiety
Cover art by: Krizia Perito
Theme: There Is A Dark Place
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There is a dark place , but I'm not going there . No, no, there is a dark , butSpeaker 2:
Hi, I'm Jordan and I'm Lex and I'm Ang and this is or learn park war . It's a podcast about ADHD done by two people who have ADHD. And this week it's three people who have ADHD. I have it too. Yeah. This is Ang friend on the show. Who's gonna talk today about their experience going through like self diagnosis and getting a diagnosis as an adult. Cuz that's something that sort of happened in like our podcast backstory. Um , but that's something that you've gone through fairly recently, right? Ang ? Yeah, just a couple months ago. I got diagnosed in February officially, but I've been thinking I had it for like the last, I don't know , six years, but just, you know, haven't gotten around to doing the appointment and everything. Huh ? Pretty on brand . Yeah. <laugh> yeah. Also like for some context, Ang is one of our good friends who lives out west mm-hmm <affirmative> and so we don't actually get to hang out with Ang in personal that much, but we love them. We love them a lot. I love you guys too so much. I wish we did get to visit more often. Maybe I'll come to Chicago sometime . That would be so good, please . We would love that boys . Like our futon mm-hmm <affirmative> the cover is not just over a futon mattress. It's over a futon mattress and a mattress topper. Ooh , that sounds cushy. It's so nice. Okay . Listen , I can sleep anywhere though. So like that'll be so great. You'll I'll just hit the covers and just be right asleep. So should we just end recording now? So you can hop on a flight or yeah. Like pencil you in for like, oh . As like what, five hours from Portland? Yeah. Plane ride. Well, I guess you need to kind of add in like, so I'm just coming over and then we'll continue the episode. <laugh> cut out for a second. So you were like, should we just end the recording now? And then I didn't hear anything. And I was like, huh , I've been recording for like five minutes . Yeah . No , this has been good , but uh , anyways . Yeah . Anyway , gotta go see ya . Yeah . But yeah , God just like, as some contexts, one of our personal friends, like outside of podcast life, but they also are going through the ADHD diagnosis process, like we have talked about before. So kind of wanna just like real quick, can you just give us like , uh , elevator pitch, back story ? What's your origin story? Like what's your villain origin story? What are you about my villain origin story? Well, I was born my pronouns. Yeah , that works . My pronouns . Didn't start when I was born <laugh> well, I guess they did kind of, but listen, I changed them. Okay. So my pronouns are most commonly they them, but she, her is fine too because I know , uh , not everybody's, you know , uh , good with that, but also like, listen. So I'm not gonna just come out to perfect strangers and be like , I'm a , they them thanks. So if somebody who is a perfect stranger to me is like she blah, blah, blah . I'm not gonna correct you. It's fine. Fair. You know what I mean? Yeah . But we're all, I think we're all shes on this podcast. Aren't we? Yes . Mm-hmm <affirmative> nice . She are . God , I feel so at home here. Shes ADHD . It's so good. Yes. The brand is strong. You are home here, friend. Welcome. <laugh> welcome the energy in this chat , but go , yeah , go ahead. Give us your, your , um, your what's your deal and right . So listen, I'm 27. I was introduced to Jordo when I was , uh, 18 by our mutual friend. Kate, who has been on the podcast before we love her. Yeah , we did. And then I haven't actually met Lex in person. I don't think which is wild. Like I , we have played D and D together a little bit. Yeah. We played D and D a little, which was very fun. Mm-hmm <affirmative> it was a really good time. We should do that again. Oh my gosh . I have . So to tell you about D and D Ang , but that's for another time, <laugh> not for the ADHD podcast. Yeah . That's a different acronym. Thank you . <laugh> um , wrong one . Uh <laugh> but um, okay . So my villain origin story. Well, as, you know, being ADHD makes you a villain. I am just evil now. Um , no . Okay . So <laugh> when I was ready to , I was like , yeah . In like , yeah , I'm in, it's just like, yeah, absolutely. Yeah . Same guys. I'm able too , we're gonna go all over the place on this podcast because it's three ADHD years in a room. Yes . Or in a chat room if you will . So I don't know. I was always okay. So I am diagnosed with inattentive type ADHD, which I feel like somebody should have known about when I was a younger child , because I've always been this way. And it's very glaringly obvious to me now , my like my , um , psychiatrist that I went and saw, she looked at her notes and she was like, okay. So usually I will like recommend people's to a psychologist if I even have the slightest doubt just in case. But like, she's like pointing at her notes, like vigorously. <laugh> like, listen, this right here, this that's ADHD. I have no doubts in my mind. <laugh> I was like, yeah, that's what I thought. Wow . <laugh> amazing. Mm-hmm <affirmative> good times . So we are gonna go over a little bit, like, you know, I did soft diagnose a little bit , uh , and I was a right mm-hmm <affirmative> but , uh , anyway, <laugh> at least with one person's opinion, but , um, it's pretty clear. So when I was a kid, I was constantly forgetting things. I did like get in trouble for forgetting things a lot. And just being a general, like Colette about things like, oh, you need to remember to do this. And Nope, not at all. Got distracted, went off, did something else. Uh , my mom called me a space cadet constantly, and I did not listen to people when they talked to me. I still don't, but it's gotten better a little bit, but I still, don't not a totally 100% roast you on the podcast, but the text message. I did get two minutes after we were starting recording time was okay. I'll be home in like two minutes. Sorry. A key smash. I did lose track of time looking at rocks. <laugh> <laugh> yeah. I love you so much. Listen , and a follow up . <laugh> wait , sorry. Yeah. Defend yourself first. Defend yourself. Oh no. It's no . Well, listen, it's gonna be a real sad defending of myself because there is no excuse, except for ADHD. I have ADHD guys. Does that work? Wait , here's the thing it does. I think an even better excuse is the big old honk and crystal that you've showed us. Yeah . Like guys , it's so good. It's like what ? Like at least a foot long. It's gotta be like almost two feet long. I think. Yeah . Giant honk of a cell Aite. And I'm so pleased about it. It's awesome . And that lady sold it to me too. She was like, it's this much. And then I was like, mm . And I was thinking about it and like, I was gonna do it. And she was like, actually, I'll give it to you for this much. And knocked like $40 off the price. And I was like, okay . <laugh> I did spend way too much on crystals today, but it's all good. Every, every good shop keep knows that if you bundle a few things together, you can knock it down. If that's not true, please don't haggle with Steelers . Unless that's like explicitly made clear that you can to clarify. Absolutely. I was like, I was not gonna haggle her about it. I thought that was just the price. And then she was like, actually I'll sell it to you for this. And I was like, okay, amazing love with the inattentive ADHD of like taking a minute to think about it and like process what you were gonna say, Uhhuh and, or maybe like, think about 10 other things before you think of an answer. Absolutely. Really work for decision that quick. <laugh> Uhhuh . I gotta like play back what you said to me first to make sure that I got it. All right . Mm-hmm <affirmative> first of all, step one, step two. Gotta think about it. Gotta consider everything. Mm-hmm <affirmative> step three. What was I gonna decide on again? <laugh> we forgot already . That's three whole steps. It's a lot to remember guys. Mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> but yeah, listen. Okay. So if it wasn't immediately obvious , uh , yeah, I do have a , uh , ADHD inattentive type. So I do not pay attention to things. I lose track of time. Very extremely easy, which mm-hmm <affirmative> Adderall did kind of help, but not exactly'll get there. Um , I'll start back at childhood. Um , so yeah , like all the villain origin stories, right? It all stemmed from there or the really sad ones. You know what? I could tell sad stories, but I don't think I will, because I don't think that's the vibe of this podcast. It can be sometimes, but people don't seem to like those episodes. <laugh> I wonder why a little, you know, we're lowering the vibe. I know. Cannot bug me to this. Yeah. It's like , I didn't what if we try being vulnerable? No. Oh, okay. Okay. Back to goose. No, not at all. Okay. Goose only. And I mean, that's me in my personal life too. So that's same . <laugh> vulnerable. Oh no, no. Okay . Nevermind. I will shut my pie hole forever. <laugh> okay . I'll save this one for the therapist. There you go. How much time ? I best to stop goofing and derailing everything that you're saying, but so you were no , it's all good. I'm absolutely . I listen. We all get derailed so easy. I'm on board with it. <laugh> um , Kate for having to be a DM for us three Uhhuh . Oh, I know we were all over the place. Sorry, Kate. Although I have my doubts about her. Maybe having ADHD or not, who knows? You never know. You never know. You never know how you figure it out. Like you did mm-hmm <affirmative> yeah, for sure. Okay. Because, okay. I've had all these symptoms for a very long time. Just like forgetting things constantly had to get a lanyard for my keys, because I literally locked myself outta my car, like five separate times. And my family was tired of bailing me out. So they were like, okay, here have a lanyard. Then you'll actually remember it. And I do, and I still have the same lanyard from when I was 18. <laugh> yeah, it's got a little pattern of the shining carpet on it. It's really good. Oh , so thanks. Toby. My sibling for giving me that. Thanks buddy . Shout someone . They make Stephen King lanyards. Yeah, they do. They make Stephen King blankets too. I have a blanket with the shining pattern on it. <laugh> the little orange like carpet , uh octagons or whatever. They're hexagons. I don't know . Yeah . They're so good. And you sleep well under that. You do because it's a fluffy blanket sleeping with the blanket of, with the, with the hotel carpet pattern probably wouldn't inspire the same sort of sleep, losing fear as having your child scream red rum at you, you know, like, you know , probably not like not , or like, you know, Tony, like the little finger guy mm-hmm <affirmative> I'd be yeah. As a mother, like I would be straight up in that instance. Just like, Nope. <laugh> Nope. That's not okay . Mm-hmm <affirmative> this kid is seeing some weird stuff. Shelly. Dals just like, oh, can I talk to Tony? I'm like, no girl, like, could I see for being a cool mom, but also girl get out of there? Yeah. Okay . Youo anyway, I think the first time I saw anything about ADHD and wondered if I had it. Oh, actually let me go further back. I forgot about this. Okay. So one of my friends in high school was like, Hey, I think I might have ADHD. And my parents are gonna go and get me diagnosed. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and I'm gonna go and see a psychologist. And I was like, that's dumb. Like, you don't have ADHD. There's no way. If you have ADHD, then I have ADHD for <laugh> . Cause I'm like way more forgetful and like way more random than you like the lull random XD . I was Lall and , and then she went and got diagnosed with ADHD. So I was like, Hmm , huh. So that was the first exposure I had, but I didn't really think about it. <laugh> um <laugh> and then like, I don't know , like five years later or something, I was on Tumblr, just scrolling. And I saw this post that was like things that ADHD people do that nobody talks about. And it had every single bullet point. I was like, I do that, like <laugh> I do that. I do that <laugh> um , so I was like, Hmm . So I sent the post to , uh , one of my friends who has ADHD. And I was like, do you think I could have ADHD? And she was like, oh yeah, a hundred percent. For sure. You didn't know that <laugh> God . And so I started sending it to other people like, do you think I have ADHD ? And they were like, yeah, duh. And I was like , oh my God . So yeah . I was like, wait, do I? So then I started looking it up and I was like, yeah, I think I might. So I started like definitely looking up ways to combat ADHD and like ways to remember things better. And like, for instance, a little , uh , gross time for you . I did have a hard time brushing my teeth every day because I wouldn't remember. And somebody on Reddit not gross at all, never been there or not, never have been there. <laugh> like Uhhuh , no judgment mood, mood, big be mood. And so basically like, like for that, at least I saw something on Reddit that was like, Hey, ADHD, people put your toothbrush in your shower and then you'll remember mm-hmm , <affirmative> just be like another step of the process that you needed to do in the shower. And that fixed it like right away. And I'm good. We're Gucci. Now my dental hygiene is pristine. Hell yeah . But it's like good . You know , it's good. Sorry for the line over here, we put happened things at the same time. In the same tone. You'll share our brain. We've been more often lately. It's a little it's concerning. It's weird. Yeah . Blink is getting stronger. Yeah . We're we're becoming one and it's a lot. Mm-hmm <affirmative> Hey , I think I'm all for it . If you guys wanna merge good . I' supportive in this age. <laugh> no, I think we could have like a whole like hive mind thing going. Yeah . Eventually. So we'll, we'll keep you posted for sure . Definitely need to visit Chicago now so I can become part of the hive. Mind join , join us . Join . Okay . Cause you don't have to tell me twice. You don't have to like write and get they're . Like who said that was , that was the , that you're right. It was the hive . Mind my bad. My mistake. I should've known it's because I'm not part of it yet. <laugh> come on. Now's the time. Get in on the ground floor. This baby I'm coming in, coming in. If you guys could see me, I'm coming through your screen. Good. Oh , that's fun. There I am . OB won . <laugh> what ? Pardon me? Or is it the other way around what? Juan Obi ? No. What, when the tell the , the hologram that's hologram, like she asks for OB won when she's like OB one . You're my only hope . You're my only hope. Yeah . You're my only hope . Thank yeah . You wine . I watched this less than a week ago, so I'm, I'm on it. Amazing. Amazing . You're on . I only actually seen that one. I just remember the Carrie Fisher tweet where she said you're my only ho <laugh> . I did not know about that, but that's beautiful. I love her so much. Mm-hmm <affirmative> same. She's such a good human being. Yeah. Yeah. I just have like a picture of her in my office, like up on my work board . Do you actually I do. Is that not a bit? No, it's not. I really that's a really good. Can you send me a picture? I wanna send this . Yeah . I mean, I obviously like on Monday when I go to work. Oh , okay . Yeah , for sure. Got it . I was thinking it was like in your room, on your desk or something. Got it . No, my , my room walls are less wait . No Mitski is on my room walls . Isn't she that's really good. I was about to be like, my room is less like people I look up to on the walls, but I'm pretty sure I have Mitski up there somewhere. So , uh , can we curse on this podcast? Yes. Yeah. Oh, perfect. I love Mitski <laugh> yes, yes. Up there on them. Favorite songs? Yeah. Mitski I, yeah. I like to think that I have a healthy appreciation for mins's art . Is it unhealthy? Probably <laugh> . I think the fact that I I'm like, I'd like to think that I have a healthy obsession with her music. Uh , but I don't think there's such thing as a healthy obsession. <laugh> probably yeah, no, that's true. Obsession just kind of implies unhealthy doesn't right, right. So like Mitski if you ever hear this, like I promise I'm not weird. I just, your music really speaks to me. I'm sorry. <laugh> I'll never have my concerts. I promise. Yeah. I feel like you're already miles ahead there, but right . Okay. Listen, speaking of that, like hyper fixation y'all yes. Mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> that is a part of ADHD. Yeah. Yeah . It sure is. Thanks for bringing it back. An <laugh>. I got you. We, we circled back as they say in the adult world. Um , <laugh> uh , in the office building, there's just like so much synergy happening right now. There's a lot going on. When is there not though? Yeah. That's fair. Um , so yeah. What was it though? Uh , hyper fixations , uh , your , your , you crowdsourced, your ADHD diagnosis. I sure did. Hyper fixations were another thing that like, I definitely somebody definitely should have caught on like, Hey, this kid has some obsessions and they won't quit. And like, my sibling , uh , about killed me because I watched princess GWE Avir and the jewel writers every day for like two weeks straight <laugh> we had one episode on VHS of it and man princess Quinn and the J riders every single day. And they had to hide it from me in the top of my closet because I couldn't reach. So I didn't know it was there. Amazing. That was such a picture you just painted for us anyway . You're so welcome. Um, yeah, I do get obsessions for sure. Yeah . You know how it goes ? Yep . Yeah, no, we definitely do hide to hide it in my own room. The betrayal, the humiliation. So Dusing oh , anyway, I'm so short. Still. I didn't grow any from that. I still probably can't reach the top of that closet. Oh . But anyway , um , it's all good. Short Kings unite. Woo . Really good . Cause you guys , I think how tall are you guys? Like 5, 4, 5, 6 I'm five , five I'm five , you know , four is very tall. Okay. Listen I'm five, four . Okay. I am the short king here. Y'all yeah, no I'm five , five, and I'm right. I'm right there with you . Yeah. You are just, just a , just a cut above right there . King continue as you were, as I was. Yeah. How was I? Hmm . Short and kingly. Yeah . So I should' known, I had , I had ADHD because I was short and kingly. Yes. Yeah . So I can reach the top of my closet for princess point of view . Mm-hmm <affirmative> um, <laugh> my love anyway. Should have known then had like the realization that, yeah, I probably have ADHD did a lot of research from time to time did more research mm-hmm <affirmative> and then kinda let it go by the wayside because I was like, I don't have the money to go and see a psychologist or a psychiatrist or anything in between. And then I was kind of thinking too , like, I didn't wanna look into how much medication costed, because I was like, there's no way I'm able to afford that. And like, I was really worried about it. Like what if I can afford it, but then I can't. And then what about this? And what about that? Like, I just didn't know enough. And so I just left it. Um, and I finally got into a spot , um, last year where I was like, okay, I really, really need to look into this. And I think I'm at a good place where I can figure it out and like maybe get some medication or something. Mm-hmm <affirmative> because that would help me so much in life. Like I started listening to testimonials of people who were taking Adderall or taking, you know, whatever, cuz there's a few different ones. We'll talk about that too. Yeah . Um, and they were like, well, I can do this better. Now I can do this better now. And like I think the thing that somebody said that like really convinced me was like this YouTube video I was watching. And she was like, so the thing is like, things aren't necessarily easier, but like making the decision to do things is easier. Like, so you can, you can do it because you decided to, and beforehand it's really hard to decide to do things , uh , because of like executive dysfunction, which , uh , have you guys talked about, I'm sure you probably have it's come up. Yeah. I'm just, we have talked about that quite a bit. It's come up a lot, but like, it comes up for me a lot too. Yeah . Yeah. Also . Oh man . Cause man, that procrastination. Oh boy. When the executives are dysfunctioning they are dysfunctioning yep . My executives don't function a lot. Yeah. Um, so , uh , and that is definitely a thing that like has improved like not a hundred percent for sure, but it has improved a lot, you know ? I think it is interesting. They talk about how neuro divergent people, especially people with they , their executive dysfunction issues, you know, talk about how they don't really go far in the business world. But like, think about what CEOs do now. Nothing. So really they , a lot brain is a lot like , uh , most modern businesses because the executives they're not functioning, they're useless . They're useless. Uhhuh , unionize your workplace. I'm gonna say it one more time. Cause I think I said PO like my niece <laugh> but unionize your workplace. Yep . She doesn't anymore. But one of my nieces used to say her LS like Ws when she was real little. Oh , but that's still cute though. I was , I was aunt WEX for a long time. Oh , that's adorable. Okay. I am gonna put my grandfather on blast really quick because he does say public instead of public. And I don't know where it came from. And one time I like kind of laughed about it and everybody else in the room looked at me like shut up because he was like, he gets mad about it. If people say anything I guess, but he still says it, like where did this come from? It's like from that's really endearing it's yeah. It's not like funny. It's like it's deer . It's deer . It's delightful. Well, and he is like from Missouri too. So he is got like that accent. That's like Washington and like asparagus and stuff . Yeah . You've got a was . Oh yeah, for sure. Yeah. My that's what my grandma says. And she's from Kansas is Washington. No , that's so cute. I love the was <laugh> put it in the wash . I moved to Washington <laugh> um , oh geez . So your executive functions useless. Yeah. My, my executives were dysfunctioning and so I saw that and I was like, yeah, life could be so much easier. Like it doesn't like I'm doing life. Okay. But it doesn't have to be this hard. Like I don't have to struggle this hard to make it in life kind of thing. Like yeah, sure. Life is okay. And I can handle it. It' fine. But I am struggling in the background and I don't need to, I don't have to, like, it's not, you know , you just don't have to. Why would you? Yeah . So , um , that's when I decided like, let me look up some peeps and get going with it. I also have social anxiety. So that was a really hard hurdle for me to get over for like scheduling , um, which I am also now medicated for. And it has been helping a ton. Oh yeah . Good, good times kids. Yeah . That's awesome. That's such a like gentle, like self-aware position of it. Doesn't have to be this hard cuz I think that that's a place that I know that I got stuck kind of in of like I can make it like I , why can't I just work harder? Like why can't yes . I just make it happen. Like I'm okay. And should be able to handle this, but like don't , it's very cool of you and yeah, you don't have to, it doesn't have to be that hard. So like that's a very cool perspective. Mm-hmm <affirmative> thank you for sharing that. Thank you. Well , I feel like too, along with that, like , um , neurotypical people will definitely be like, cuz they can just do stuff they can like do they can think of something and then they, they just do it. Mm-hmm <affirmative> uh , which doesn't happen for me <laugh> well, it kind of does now, but like it didn't happen for me. And it was like the realization that it's okay for you not to be that way. Like there's a word for this and it's ADHD kind of thing. Mm-hmm <affirmative> um, did make me feel better about it, but also neurotypical people will definitely be like, oh no, it's okay. You can do it. And then they just expect that that will help you like, oh, that's the encouragement for you? And like that is very sweet. It's very well intentioned and very nice. It does not help. It makes you feel like I should be able to do this thing, but I really just can't why can't I do it kind of thing. Why can't I remember all this stuff? Like why can't I make myself do this when I need to do it? You know, et cetera , et cetera . Yeah . Why can't I pay attention? You know, all that good stuff. At least for me, for sure that , uh , made me feel a lot better when I figured out like , oh, there are other people who do this and also you don't have to do that necessarily. <laugh> yeah. Yeah. You can get some help. Yes. So yeah. Amazing. Um , you mentioned it earlier that like getting help was also like ha involved like a couple different medications. Yeah . So, okay. So I'm gonna give you the laundry list. It's not really a laundry list. I'm on three right now and then one for special occasions, but I like never take it. <laugh> um , so, okay , so here's what we're on. I am on extended release Adderall. So, or you and that stuff, man, girl, it's so good. I noticed a difference like immediately right away and like, yeah . Uh , I was living with my mom at the time when I started Adderall and she was like, man, you're so chatty and like, oh my God. <laugh> um , oh, that is the other thing. Okay. Listen. So , um, I had a really hard time waking up in the morning . I don't know if y'all have that or not or had that or not. Uh , I dunno what you're talking about. Yeah , couldn't be me. <laugh> doesn't sound familiar. Does it? Not at all. Nope . Great . So apparently who would've thought people with ADHD? Very oftentimes I think I read like 75% or something like that have issues with sleeping. And the thing is your brain is like too busy at night. Um, and so you continually like have a restless sleep. Um, which was definitely happening for me. Like I was like, oh yeah, I'm a tosser Turner kind of PR I'm a tosser tosser horribly, nowhere . Good Lord . <laugh> its a , in so many different directions. Yeah . Sorry . Okay . Straight up that I love that joke, but whatever her, I hardly know her anyway. Um, so, oh my God. I'm trying so hard guys. Um , why on earth? Oh, for um, okay. Yes for sleeping. Um , so the first thing that I got prescribed because I was like, yes, I have a terrible time sleeping and I sleep in really bad. I can't fall asleep, et cetera . And I wake up during the night. Um, the first thing I got prescribed was hydroxy, which is a really low duty sleeping pill. It's basically like Benadryl. So it's an antihistamine, but it's actually a lot less, I wanted to say pungent, but that's not the right word at all. <laugh> um, God fragrance. What's like a good word for that . <laugh> not no smells just like in the intensity. Yeah . Um, it's like way lighter duty than Benadryl would be as far as an antihistamine mm-hmm <affirmative> um , but it does make you really sleepy and it does work really well. Um, and so that improved everything like right away. Um, and I know several other people that are on it too that are like, yeah, I take this one . I can't sleep. And like ding Don you're gone. <laugh> um , so it's like very nice. And it doesn't like give you any, like, I don't know . I'm afraid of sleeping pills, like especially , um, what's that one that starts with an, a Ambien. Yeah. Ambien. I was like Adderall. Nope . Sometimes it's a sleeping pill for people with ADHD. Like the first time that I an instant release, I was like, I just took a nap. Yeah. Dang <laugh> well , like it , I don't, I think it was just like that level of like, I took an instant release and that much concentrated, like your mind's quiet focus. Now that would be really nice cuz I haven't tried the instant ones. Mm mm-hmm <affirmative> I just stopped them actually. Fun . Little pump are so you're on the XR now. Yeah. Just XR. I just haven't needed it as much. And um, that makes sense. The crankiness come down with , uh , instant release for me is not fun for anybody. I think I would've been bad on instant release because I did like get up to 20 milligrams of Adderall, like within a couple weeks of starting it. And that was like way too much for me. And I was super anxious and just like shut myself in my room and then like built shelves. So I was like, yeah, no, this is way too much for me. Please put it back down. And she was like, okay. And like, I'm good on I'm on a 15 now, but I was on nice . It was like, I was on 10. I jumped up to 20 and my body was like, no. What do you think you are doing? He was basically like, Hey, let's try it and see how it goes because you have hella ADHD. And I was like, Hey, it went bad. And she was like, OK . So she worked with me on it, which was nice. But yeah, it was a little wild there for a couple days. There's like lots of options out there. Yeah. You know, for sure. Lots of on how you wanna be medicated. Mm-hmm <affirmative> right. So the other thing is like , um, I keep seeing other people saying like that people who like this Adderall and are like, oh, ADHD medication doesn't work or whatever. Which like, you know, medications are different for everybody. So take what works and don't take what doesn't work. But um, people would be like, oh yeah. Like the only thing that I miss about it is like the rush that you get in the morning, like after you've taken your pill, like half an hour later, I was like, girl, it just helps me pay my bills on time. Like, I don't know. I don't get a rush. I get like, oh man, I'm a regular human now, you know? Yeah. Mm-hmm, <affirmative> no , I'm I'm in year camp for this one. And like, yeah. There's very clear difference. I think between people who take it and are not at like a neurotypical baseline and they're like, oh, now I'm at a neurotypical level of functioning versus like people who are at that baseline for lack of a better term. And they're like, oh, this feels like something wild. And it's like, no, this feels like I can remember that I have food in my fridge. Mm-hmm <affirmative> sometimes <laugh> yeah. Oh, I saw such a targeted meme the other day that was like other people on Adderall. And it's like the doge with the like giant muscles that are like, I did this and this and this. I cleaned my whole house and I paid all my bills, blah, blah, blah. And then there's like the little doge that's like crying and it's like ne on Adderall. Now I can eat a real lunch instead of just eating peanut butter out of the jar . And I was like, no, that's me . That's rude . Mm-hmm <affirmative> cause if I haven't done that so many times . Oh my God. The amount of time. Yeah . That I just stand in front of the fridge and just eat olives with my hands. Yes <laugh> yes. Mm-hmm <affirmative> they're garlic stuffed olives too. The ones that I usually get they're so good. Oh , are they those ones from like Costco that are like garlic and jalapeno? Have you tried those? Oh , but I know which ones you're talking about because my aunt always brings them. Um , cuz she has a Costco membership and so like we always have them at like family parties in like the little charco , you know mm-hmm <affirmative> yeah . A little charco little char Tuti . Yeah . So , but yeah, so I get that big time and also funny me . Oh for sure. It , it does sort of make sense that neurotypical people were like, you can't give kids this drug. It makes them crazy. It makes them go too fast. They're they're just out . They're bouncing off . Yeah. If you give a neurotypical kid Uhhuh that and it's like, you see like your friends, at least I'd saw so many of my friends in college, just take it for like a night where they like needed to stay up all night and study and then smash cut to like a decade later. And I'm in my late twenties and take my first instant release Adderall and I'm like asleep within 30 minutes. Mm-hmm <affirmative>, you know , it's like, it's just so it's bananas. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. I am just kind of a sleepy person. Yeah. I'm just like tired, you know , I'm like no longer a sleepy person, but I think it's like, I don't think it's the Adderall. I think it's the Effexor, which is the other thing that I'm on for social anxiety and that is technically an antidepressant, but those do keep you awake. Mm-hmm <affirmative> mm-hmm <affirmative> so you know, the sleeping pills do help with that too. It's it's a good time. It's a good time. There's a lot of little, little interactions here. <laugh> yeah. Yeah. Tell us about , tell us more, keep going on the medication journey that I will . Oh, for sure. So the two things that I got prescribed for social anxiety, which were like a month, I wanna say after I started Adderall, because my life improved immediately from just like the Adderall and then being able to sleep mm-hmm <affirmative> with the hydroxy scene . Like my life just skyrocketed. I was like, dang, I am living high. Like it's so good here. Not high, but you know what I mean? Like , yeah . It's like , it's all good. Everything's Gucci . Um, and I do feel like when you first start taking Adderall, your body's not used to it yet. And you're like, everything's so great. Mm-hmm <affirmative> , mm-hmm <affirmative> which, you know, has calmed down for sure. But it like, life is still good. So yeah . Like , you know , all Gucci it's a lot better than it was still, you know, a few months later. So it's all good. Anyway, so yeah. The other thing that I was wanting to talk to her about was social anxiety, because that keeps me from a lot of things mm-hmm <affirmative> and then I will go home after a social interaction and be like totally beating up on myself. Like , uh , what if this thing I did was awkward and like, I messed up my words when I said this and like, they probably hate me kind of thing, which is like a little bit ridiculous, but you like can't stop those thoughts, you know, sometimes. Yeah . And so she was definitely like, yeah . So we have a couple things to try. She did give me a prescription for propranolol, which was really hard to say propranolol. I never take it. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I've never refilled it because it's just sitting here full also it like made me feel a little bit like tipsy, like I had a drink or something and I was kinda like, maybe I shouldn't take this and drive. And my psychiatrist was like, I've never heard that from anyone. Like you're wild <laugh> . So I was like, well, she also called me a super responder though. So maybe my body's sensitive. I don't know . Congratulations on being like medical history. Oh, thanks. That's cool . I thought you said any medical history. Huh ? You want me to give you my medical history in the middle of this ADHD podcast? I mean, I can, but get ready to sit here for a while because yeah , we're actually gonna , we're gonna replace the dopamine trampoline with the , um , social security number. Frank . I don't think that that's my medical history necessarily. We can do credit card flights that if you want that definitely is OK . Yeah. That, that , that works for medical history. Uhhuh . This will be good . Don't forget that three digit code on the back mm-hmm <affirmative> oh yeah, for sure. Just got a new debit card too. Do you guys want that? Oh , that'd be great there while we're here . So wait, where were we? So you propanolol . Oh, for , okay. Yeah. So propanolol , which I am not gonna talk about because it's just there. I don't know. Okay . He's a , he's an anti-anxiety med. That's supposed to be like fast acting and um, you're she was basically like, Hey, if you ever wanna, like, I'm going to this thing, but I'm really nervous to go to it and I'm gonna be awkward during it because I'm nervous. Take it before you go. And then you'll be good. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and to some extent that's true. It makes me feel a little bit funky. It's not my favorite, but a lot of people think it's like really mild and really works well. So , um, so there's that, but then I did start taking Effexor, which is technically an antidepressant. It is an S N I um , I don't know if you guys have talked about that on here before, like difference between S Sri and Sri. No , cause that's not technically related to ADHD either. Well, actually it is because , okay, hold <laugh> , I'm getting at Royal ahead of myself. We're going all over the place here. So something that they do prescribe for ADHD sometimes as a , uh , in quotation marks , non stimulant medication is Wellbutrin. Yeah. Um , which , sorry, I'm on Wellbutrin. I was like, that's my guy . Okay . Gotcha. So that one , um , I did a little bit of research on it because I have heard like, horror stories about it, but then also like some really good stories, which I feel like is all antidepressants kind of thing. Right . That's like all medications ever . Yeah. It's kinda all medication. You hear some horror stories and you hear some success stories and you just kind of gotta wing it. It's very individual for everybody. Like you just gotta figure it out. What works for you? Not what anybody else says for sure. Mm-hmm <affirmative> um, I don't think I would be good on that one with anxiety just because the N is like for no epinephrine . Um, and so, so it's basically like, you know, the serotonin and , um, uh , no epinephrine , the no epinephrine reuptake inhibitor. Is that right? Sounds right. Yeah . I hope that right . It sounds right. If I'm giving you pseudoscience right now, I'm so sorry. There's something that we can , I hope it's right. Say it at the beginning, but it should go without saying at this point, if you're a long time audience member, we're not experts and Ang or not , and is not an expert either. I'm super not an expert. I have had one year of college, like listen to me , but also don't listen , like take it with a grain of salt. Look it up for yourself, please. You're an expert in your experience. Mm-hmm <affirmative> what was it ? I said the other day like that, I was like, I wish I could just say this cuz it just applies to everything. Oh yeah. I was like, I'm happy for you and, or sorry that happened. Whichever one applies because sometimes I can't tell <laugh> . Um , yeah. And I wish I could just say that to everybody, but that's what it feels like with like we're not experts. We are as helpful and useful as you want us to be . Mm-hmm <affirmative> you can only speak to our experience and then you can also like explore that if you wish to . And that's kind of the whole thing. Yeah. But yeah , that , that sounds not wrong. Serotonin Andor epinephrine , retake inhibitor. I think that's what it stands for. Cuz I can't remember. So SSRIs are serotonin, but I don't remember what the second S is for <laugh> select serotonin, serotonin, selective , selective uptake inhibitor . Okay . Thank you. Because I was like, I know that it's like only serotonin for that one and it's serotonin and Rine for the other one. Mm-hmm <affirmative> for Sri. Yeah . But I dot remember like what the second S was for. Thank you. So while Butrin is also an S NRI , but it's very, very heavy on the end. So basically , um , no epinephrine , if you think about like epinephrine, like an EpiPen kind of thing, like adrenaline, you know, sort of thing it's like related in that sense mm-hmm <affirmative> um, it can force some people who already have anxiety while Butrin can kind of make you like, like really jittery. Um, at least some people, some people it works really well and some people just like makes their anxiety way too bad. Um, and so I'm kind of glad that I didn't try that one because Adderall did tick my anxiety a little bit. Um <laugh> and now it's all good. Now we're Gucci. But she was basically like, so we could try that. And I was like, oh , I don't really wanna try that. She also told me that I could try five a , which I know is a stimulant medication. It's very expensive is the only thing, like if you don't have insurance and I was like, just about to go and move and do a new job and stuff. So she was like, Nope, not that one. <laugh> so that would be for Adderall, but for uh , social anxiety, she told me so we can either try , um , Lexapro I believe is the one Lexapro . Yeah. I think that sounds , which is like a drug mm-hmm <affirmative> it sounds like a drug. It's not the one I tried, so it's not on my agenda of things to remember fair. Um , it's not very important to me, Alexa pro I'm so sorry. I'm sure you work great for other people. Um, I decided to try Effexor. The only risk with that is kind of like Effexor has some pretty hefty onboarding symptoms. So for the first few weeks you can feel really draggy. Um, you can feel really sleepy kind of depressed. You might not be able to sleep, even though you're really sleepy, which did happen to me the first week was rough. I felt kind of like I had the flu. Oh . And then it can be that way when you go off of it too, but like worse. Um , so it's kind of one of those ones that you don't wanna go off of cold Turkey. Like you could, but like you don't wanna yeah. Fair. Mm-hmm <affirmative> just suck . So she was kind of like, you know, if you wanna try something like a little less dangerous, not dangerous, but like kind of, you know, a little smoother transition, a little less aggressive . Yeah . Then we could try the Lexapro, but Effexor is also like a hundred percent like , um , a certain number of milligrams is like approved by somebody. I don't know. I wanna say the FDA, but that does not sound right. It's approved by somebody official FDA is not me. Right? Yeah. It should be the FDA. Okay . So it is , yeah . So I'm gonna say this. It might not be right. I'm pretty sure that it's approved by the FDA. Uh , yeah , if you wouldn't legally take it, if it wasn't, I mean like for social anxiety, so a certain dose is like a therapeutic dose. Yeah . Is what they call it. Like, and so that's for social anxiety and then higher doses are for like depression. She basically got me up to that dose and it as actually has been helping me a lot. Like there's a huge difference. Nice. Um , and the job that I'm at right now is very much like socially involved. Uh , and I do not think I would be able to do it if I didn't have medication right now. So that's like a pretty big thing for me. Yeah. Nice . Like I've been going out and like seeing people and like talking to people and not being worried about things. And it's like pretty wild. Hell yeah. That's amazing. Real bro . Nice. Like not canceling all of my plans with people because I'm too anxious right before yeah . Happen a lot. Or I forgot them because of ADHD, you know, that happens. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and like my ADHD is not perfect. I still definitely forget things. I got sidetracked looking at rocks today and got the big honking cell Aite, which you know, I'm not gonna be regretful about because it is really good. But also I kind of wish that I had looked at my time more. It's all good, bro. It's all good. Like, things are better, but things still happen, you know? Yeah. Like life is so much easier than it was like, it's very, very worth it to me at least. Yeah . For some people it's just like, medication's not on the table, I'm gonna do other stuff. And like, whatever, like it's all good bro. Do what works for you. Do what you're comfortable with. Yeah. Yeah. Great message. Yeah . Great . I say this as if none of our, like all of our guests have always been like lovely and have had so much to contribute. And so it's like, it's just great. Another one. Yeah. Another great guest. Thank you Ang . Oh , thanks. Yeah . Thanks guys. I love being a guest. You're great host. Oh , so very welcome here. Very at home. I'm glad the vibe we try to be welcoming and hospitable. Mm-hmm <affirmative> you know, we definitely are. We do our best. I mean, we're all ADHD. Uh shevas . So like what could be better? You know? Mm-hmm <affirmative> what else do you need? That's right. It's the crew right here. Mm-hmm <affirmative> truly, truly I , yeah. I had like a list of questions I was gonna ask and you just answered all of them before I did so like, oh, dang gone . Nice . Yes . Hey , maybe I am part of the hive. Mind ? Yeah. Sales , Uhhuh reading the paper of your shoulder through your eyes. <laugh> watch out. Yes. You, you heard my, even though it was silent because I forgot what princess Leia says about. You're my only hope you felt it and you came through, you did. I felt it in my soul. Mm-hmm <affirmative> but Hey, you know what else is like really cool besides you Ang uh , you. Oh , thank you . Okay . Shocks . OK . Was good . OK . Wait now for real though , uh , my big honking cell Aite that I got today. Yeah . Yes , yes . Yes. Well, I guess that kind of leads me into the like, so we wanted to ask you, cause we always have our guests do DTS with us, the Domine trampoline. Um, if you're near audience member, dopamine, trampoline is a place where we hop on over and we take a little bit of time, each episode, do each talk about something that we really like, or that we've hyper fixated on or something that we liked in our past, et cetera, et cetera . It's just a , whatever's giving you dopamine at the time that you feel like talking about. And so I feel like I know what your answer's gonna be. Um , okay. You don't actually though, because I've got one and it's not crystals, even though crystals are always a dopamine trampoline for sure. Okay . Cause I was waiting for, I was gonna ask you what's your DT and I will admit, I was expecting you to say that big old honking crystal, but I'm excited. Okay . Well today it definitely is, but <laugh> um , okay . No, I've got this for you guys because also if you haven't heard of him, like you gotta look him up. Um , I'm getting definitely plug this guy. Um, so Cosmo shell Drake is, oh , so you have heard of him. Yes. Um, he is my new favorite right now. I am definitely obsessed with him. Um, so he is a music artist over in , um, England, I believe. But anyway, he makes a lot of sounds with animal noises. So like birds and fish are his most common ones. And then he does do like there's one with a pig and like Ravens and wolves and stuff in it. And that one's probably my favorite, but , um, he does a lot of, he does this all, like he can do it live and he just has like a sound pad and a loop machine. And he just like sings and records it and loops over himself. Like while he's performing. And it's like the coolest thing I've ever seen. I'm like, this is so inspiring. I wanna do this so bad. <laugh> that's so bad. He's cool . He's so cool. And like, yeah, I thought that he was legit , like an entire whole band. Like I was expecting like a few like orchestral instruments to come out kind of thing, you know, mm-hmm <affirmative> um , and so I watched a live show of his and I didn't realize he wasn't a whole band. And so it was just him out there with his little keyboard and his little sound pad . And I was like, oh, surely the rest of the band will come in at any time . And then I saw him like doing up the song and I was like, oh my God, it's just him. I'm gonna die. <laugh> so it's literally just him thought he was an entire band. It's fine. And he can do it live. I was like, dude, this guy kicks. So yeah. It's really cool. How did you, how did you hear about Cosmo shell Drake ? So I heard about him through Kate. Um, Kate gave me the song, the Moss , um , which is probably his most popular song, I think. Um, and it's very like whimsical and magical, I would say. Um, yeah , very, I like to call his music, bog music, like myth , bog music. And that's like, that's the best description I can come up with because that is that's sounds accurate. And that is a vibe that we are very much fans of here. Mm-hmm <affirmative> oh , for sure. I mean, there's just a lot of fish noises. There's just a lot of fish noises in a good way. I was like listening to that song over and over and like, I should probably look this guy up and then one time he just like showed up on a shuffle on YouTube. Um, and it was the solar waltz , which is a song about bees and it was so pretty. So dreamy. Please look that song up if you haven't heard it. It's so gorgeous. Okay . Um , and it's so pretty. And I was like, all right , now I'm gonna listen to more music by this guy. And lo and behold, I am now obsessed with him, which happens. Nice. That's incredible. Yeah. I've heard the Moss. Like I he's been recommended to me like on Spotify a couple times and bog music feels very right. Mm-hmm, <affirmative> very nature risk . Like we are in nature making music out of animals and here we are . But it slaps though. He's definitely come up on for like the recommended bit for a lot of my like D and D character playlists. That feels right . Oh yes. That's really hard. That's a vibe Uhhuh . Yeah . And now that you're describing his music the way you are, I'm like, I feel like I should be intentionally adding his music to my DMD character playlist. You know what I mean? Oh, for sure. I got a task to do it . I mean, you know, you don't have to like him, but just say he's real good. <laugh> I mean, everything you're saying, I'm like, yeah. And I don't recall ever looking or hearing music and like sometimes, you know, on a recommended list and the music plays and you're like, I hate this mm-hmm <affirmative> and you have the opportunity to give a thumbs down. I usually remember when that happens and who it is so I know not to listen to them later. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and I don't ever recall doing that with this fine. Who is English? I looked it up. It's fine. English fellow . So what a , what a good name? Cosmo. Sheri . I was gonna say he sounds British. Oh yeah , for sure . When you , when you're , when you're like, I'm not sure if he's British, but I think he's British. I was like, she , Drake is like the most who British last name of all time . You , your child. Well, because when I, sorry, go on. Go ahead . Um , when I first heard , like saw his name, I thought that was the name of like his band. And I was like, that's weird. I wonder what the story is behind it. No, it's his name like that is his Christian name. If you will. That's that's amazing. I mean, Cosmo's a pretty common name in like Europe. Yeah, for sure. Which I didn't think about it all when north was looking at it . Like , I know a lot of people from like Sweden or named Cosmo. Hmm . That's kind of cool though. Yeah. That's a good name. That's a great name. Mm-hmm <affirmative> don't ask me why I know where names are from. It may also have to do with the amount of DD characters I've made. That would make sense. I mean, that's pretty good info though. Mm-hmm <affirmative> , mm-hmm <affirmative> etymology is just cool. It is . And like knowing where names come from and what they mean and like, oh , that's very true. And it's really good for characters too, because then you can like add it in the backstory and like make it fit and like make the vibes. Right. You know, mm-hmm <affirmative> lot of time . I think my DT is baby name websites. Okay . I was gonna , uh , yeah, no. Now it's baby name websites done . Done and dusted. Okay. Uh , Hey , that's Melan . I've spent a lot of time on a lot of baby name websites over the past couple of weeks because , uh , Sean Hendrickson, friend of the show, dear loving person who I do love did kill my, like my favorite D and D character that I've made of all time at this I'm it was not our , I have no hard feelings. It is a part of the game. Right? You accept that when you're playing D and D death saves are a thing I've made some stupid choices in a very, very hard dungeon, had some necrotic damage that knocked my character's max, a HP down to 12. Um, so like, it was just a lot of circumstances and Sean was not happy. Like we all were weeping. Um , oh , but the beautiful thing about D and D is that it causes those emotions. Like it's a , it's a , it's cool. You can have a game where you're having a blast and goof with your friends, but it can also give you really deep emotional connections with the same friends. So I, I , I really wanna clarify for everybody love Sean Jordan is obligated to oh yeah. Like I , I also love Sean , but also at this point, dude , you made my best friend cry. So you're on my list anyways. Yeah. Like it could have been adventure time rules where nobody dies. Like, oh, I'll be nice this time, you know? Well, and you can always, you can always bring a character back. You just have to pay the in world cost, which is quite high. Yeah. Um , but so I've, I've decided to just, re-roll start a new character. It's been very fun. Gives me something new to focus on, but I've been spending a lot of time on baby name websites because I wanted to make sure I chose a name that felt right. And cool, but also had a fun meaning mm-hmm <affirmative> and so, yeah, it is a very important choice. Mm-hmm <affirmative> like, don't worry everybody. I do not have baby fever. I never have probably never will. Hasn't kicked in yet. And I doubt it will at any point in the future, I just got an I U D too . My hormones they're shut the down. <laugh> so yeah . Um , got those bad boys under control. Got that locked. Um , I mean, I don't have a uterus, so we're all good. A high five . Yeah . There you go. Yeah . Oh , so yeah . So my DT baby names love them . I'm not gonna tell y'all what my D and D character's name is because my D and D party has not met them yet. And some of them do listen to the podcast and so keep it on lock mm-hmm <affirmative> but you know, I'm just excited. That's why I was like, angel , tell you about my D and D character native <laugh> but , um , Jordan. Yes. What is your dopamine trampoline? My dopamine trampoline is teeny tiny jam jars. Oh , like jam? Yes. Yes. Not like you have a jam session then . No, also great. But this week, so I've been trying out some of those like meal delivery kits where it sends you the ingredients to like cook, because I love to cook, but as we have all discussed earlier , sometimes the executives are just not functioning. Then also occasionally Lex and I will eat together. But for the most part, cuz we're on different schedules and have different food preferences. I'm just cooking for myself. So sometimes it's not super feasible to like go through ingredients fast enough to like buy packages that are usually packaged for like families. So I've been trying out the meal kit thing and got one accidentally ordered two in a row, which was kind of dumb , but two of the , Hey , more food though. Yeah . More food though . Yeah. I can't complain. <laugh> those are so nice. Like we're doing a meal service with my roommates at my current place and it's real nice. I nice. We're doing some meatballs tonight. Yay . Nice. Can I come over? Yes . Yes . We literally just talked about that earlier. Mine have like a few hours, five or six or something playing . Here we go. Yes . Please come over. But two of the meals I've had in the last like week are one of them was like an apricot chicken leg and the other one was like a fig pork chop. And both of them came with just enough jam for that recipe and the way that they, they must have some relationship with the company, but it's <inaudible> jam and they make single serve jam jars. So it is that like kind of round squat glass jar with the red gingham lid. Oh . But instead of like, you know , the , the normal size jam jar ones, they're like one ounce jam jar. So they're like an inch and a half tall. I love when I get only a gram and a half of weed and they come in a little, oh my God. Have you ever, okay . Have you ever gotten like just straight up one gram and like, they'll give it to you in the little hill capsule bottle looking thing Uhhuh . And you'll like open it and it's just like one little tiny nugget in there and you're like, yep . This is my life Uhhuh . Yeah. Yeah . No happens . Yeah, it does Jordan. No, <laugh> no . As if that's fair Jordan valid <laugh> can you know what the common denominator is? Cute. Little jars, cute little jars, cute little jars. How's my dopamine trampoline. Yes. Can you please send me a picture of the cute little jam jar? I'm gonna do it right now. And here's the thing. You'll probably get one of these cute little jam jars in the mail eventually, because we need to make like lip scrubs. Mm-hmm <affirmative> for like our next care packages that we send to our friends, whatever . So are you gonna send me a nugget in a jam jar? I probably can't legally that's super illegal . So definitely . Yeah , no , but if you come to no , I'll come over. I'm not not saying that. <laugh> like , all right , well, yeah, that was my Domine trampoline and I think we have three minutes left on this meeting. So should we sign it out real fast? Probably. Yeah. Yeah. I should say so, but it would be pretty weird to just let it go . And then the episode , episode, episode, minutes come back and be like , all right . Okay. So bye . Yeah . All right . This is Ben or learn parkour from wholehearted production company. You can find us on Spotify, apple podcasts, most places, cool people find their podcast, et cetera , special. Thanks. Toia Preto for our cover art design. You can find her at pedal hop that's P E T a L H O P on Instagram, Etsy, and Twitter. Thank you as well to Tom Rosenthal for our intro and outro song, there is a dark place off of the album called keep a private room behind the shop. You can follow us on the social needs at , or learn parkour on firstname.lastname@example.org . You can find links to all of that as well as sources and transcripts in our episode description. You sure can. You can also find in our episode description two cool deals we have going on one. If you wanna start a podcast with buzz sprout, there's a cool link where you get a little kickback. We get a cool little kickback. Everyone starts podcast. Since Brad , it's a very fresh and sexy little sort of situation incredibly. Uh , we also still have our great deal with Bline reader, where you can get a discount on any subscription with them. And time is running out on that. So check that out in our episode description or on our website, it's me blin reading over to my last point, which is you could also just support the show by sharing it with a friend , uh , you know, click like and subscribe as per use , but you could , uh , give word of mouth sort of recommendations. That's usually how I get recommendations for podcasts. How I recommend podcasts to other people is I listen to things that have been recommended to me. So please, please , please . Or , or you could donate to our COFI , which you can find a link to that in our Instagram or Twitter or on our website. Yeah. Thanks to , with people who have donated to our COFI, that's incredibly proud of you. We love you. We love you so much, like, and not in a weird way, but like maybe a little I'm Jordan I'm Lex and I'm Ang . This is Ben or learned park . See you in two weeks.